You told me that no matter how conflicted my feelings for you are, that I want this deep inside and that there’s nothing wrong with giving it a try. I couldn’t tell you that you represent everything I don’t like in a relationship but you have everything I want in a man. You’re undeniably intellectual, brutally honest when needed, and most importantly, you make my day happy even without trying. I want you and that is enough for me to throw caution to the wind.
You said you like me, that I am everything you wanted in a woman. I told you this wouldn’t work, the distance is just too much. You reminded me that we can never know what the future holds for us, that we should just enjoy and not overthink things. I probably didn’t tell you but not overthinking things is just not me. I’m trained to think about what will happen if I do this, what the consequences of my actions will be. I am the kind of girl who picks the food her friends already tried and approved of. I stick to the routine and rarely venture the unknown. I don’t like being spontaneous because I always have a schedule in my head. That’s what I am and I guess you didn’t know that.
I should have told you that, probably. Then I guess you would have realized how important you are to me. How you made me do things I have never thought of doing. That this relationship isn’t just a pasttime for me. That you’ve become such a vital part of my daily routine. That seeing you online already makes me incredibly excited. That there must be terribly wrong when I started ignoring you. Maybe had you known all these, you would have exerted more effort to make this work. But you hadn’t and you didn’t.
“Know your worth. Set standards. Don’t settle for less. Never compromise. There is no dearth in people who reach your standards.”
I chanced upon this on the net. This made me realize I shouldn’t lower my standards to accommodate some people. They should instead aim higher to get into my life.
Falling in love is easy. All the feelings associated with it: the excitement, the butterflies in your stomach, the adrenaline rush, the palpitations, all these make you want to fall in love and feel love. When you’re in love, you feel that you can contend with just anything. Work problems seem to be trivial, money matters don’t seem to bother you much anymore, you hate less all the people you abhor because you’re so happy to even care about them. You’re on cloud nine, plain and simple.
But you will later on want for more. It’s human nature to want her feelings to be reciprocated. Suddenly, it’s not enough that he laughs at your jokes, that he flirts with you, that he treats you to dinner. You want to know if he feels the same way to you. You want to know that he’s not treating other girls the same way he treats you. But the question is, should you tell him about your feelings or do you wait for him to muster the courage (as you keep on telling yourself) to confess his feelings, if any, for you? Would you risk whatever relationship you two have right now because maybe, just maybe, he’s just so shy and coward to tell his feelings to you? But what if he doesn’t feel the same way, do you think he’s mature enough to handle the confession and still treat you the same way?
It’s better to tell him and be damned with the consequences. Yes you might lose a friend and yes it will hurt like hell if he rejects you. But it’s a lot better than living with what ifs. You’ve probably heard about the saying that it’s more likely that you’ll regret the things you didn’t do more than the things you did. It’s true. Tell him your feelings and whatever happens after that, just charge it to experience. You’ll get over it for sure.
Yes it’s easier said than done. And it’s a lot easier and safer to just wait for things to unfold on their own. But you have to help fate, you have to make some actions. You think you’ll get your job without applying for it? You think you’ll lose weight without exerting an effort? We are so over the era where girls just wait for guys to make the moves. Be assertive but not aggressive.
You can argue that guys like the chase. Appearing so easy won’t get their attention and would make them lose their interest. That’s probably true but remember, those arguments are only valid if the guys is pursuing you. If he’s not doing anything extra special to make you feel you’re not just any girl to him, then don’t fool yourself into believing that maybe someday he’ll come around. Sometimes, guys need a little push, a little nudge, for them to realize what they might be missing on. Be the It girl.
You are the first thing that comes to mind when I wake up and the last thing I think of before I fall asleep. I don’t know if I miss you or I just miss the memory. All I know is that I miss the times when we talk right after I open my eyes in the morning. You’ve become a habit, an inspiration to wake up earlier than usual, an appetizer that spices up my day.
I don’t regret breaking up with you. I needed to do it to keep my self-respect. Yes, you’ve made me appreciate myself more, you’ve made me realize I’m worth taking a look at, that I am attractive. But you also made me feel the worst. Whenever I wait for you to go online, I feel like I am a beggar, begging for your attention. I know and you’ve told me several times that you like having the upper-hand in our relationship so you probably cannot blame me for feeling that you’re ignoring me because of that, that is, having a say when we can chat gives you the feeling of control. And I don’t like it. As much as I like you and as much as I like the feeling when we talk and flirt, I don’t like the feeling I get when we don’t talk. It hurt me that I had to choose to start ignoring you too just to make you feel what I feel. Stupid of me. Instead of getting your attention, it just made me lose you attention more. I lost your interest. The sparks are gone, you said, when I broke off things with you.
For several days after the break-up, I contemplated getting back with you, to convince you we are still worth another try. You know what stopped me? I dread the time when you take me back and we return to you-ignoring-me days. I cannot do that to myself. I have to learn to respect myself and teach me that I don’t deserve any of that.I deserve more. Maybe in life, we sometimes can’t get what we want and maybe, sometimes what we want isn’t what’s best for us.
(Photo from http://www.yah.in)