To Backslide Or Not

I miss you so much sometimes I wish I didn’t send you that text. But I know this is for the better. We are just delaying the inevitable, right?
I have so many questions I’ve been wanting to ask you. Why are you not ready? Why did you not choose me? Why did you tell me I’m special if in the first place you have no intention to stay? Why did you tell me I’m not just any girl when you don’t have plans to be with me?
From the get go, I know I already like you and given the chance, I can fall for you. That is why I didn’t ask you questions. That is why I was always on Tinder when we were together. That is why I refused to get to know you. Because if I already like you when I barely know you, how much more if I already know how wonderful you are?
I was on the way to forgetting you, to moving on. But no, you had to tell me you’re still attracted to me, you had to tell me I’m not just any one to you. How can I still talk to you and not fall for you harder? How can I continue texting you and be prepared for your sex stories? How can I have a heart of stone?
They say you get attached to your first. I don’t think that’s what happened to me. I did not get attached for that sole reason. I got attached because sparks fly when we’re together. Our chemistry is off the charts. Why can’t that be enough for you to stay? Is it that common that you did not pay it any consideration?
I know, deep down, you’re not going to reach out to me. I know in my heart that that last text message is the last conversation we will ever have. Because despite what you told me, I still have difficulty believing you like me that much to throw away your pride and tell me I’m wrong. But you know what? I need to be wrong this time. So bad. With you, I will never mind to be wrong.
I hope that someday, you’d realize you should not have let me go. You should have stayed.
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