I’m finally at the point of my life where I realized that what most of my friends were telling me was true: That I run when the going gets tough. But you know what? When I met you, I was finally ready to give my all. I was ready to stay and fight. I was ready to fall regardless of how scary that can be. You made me see the beauty in dating. That good men still exists after all. That you are so goddamn worth of all the vulnerability. You made me feel like I am the most important person in your life. And I thank you for it.
But then you’re gone. You faded. Without explanations. Without a word. Now you’re making me question if everything was real. How can someone do that to me? How can you easily forget all the good times we had? How can you be this cold?
But I’m done chasing. I know I cannot make anyone like me. It will be ultimately your choice. And I hope you choose me. Please choose me.
My friends tell me I am always the one to leave when the going gets tough. That I don’t fight for you, for us. I always run away to hide and forget. Oh how I wish they knew how much courage it takes to love you. That you are the one I want in this world. That I am willing to accept things I thought were abhorrent just because you do/possess them. But I cannot wait any more for something that might never happen especially when you do not give me any sign that I should keep on waiting.
How I wish loving is easy. I wish that when we like someone, probability is that someone also likes us back. But life is not like that. We do not always get what we want. Heck, more often than not, we don’t get what we want.
It always amazes me that someone out there could be loving us without us knowing. Do you know that I love you? You probably don’t. You probably don’t care.
I miss you so much sometimes I wish I didn’t send you that text. But I know this is for the better. We are just delaying the inevitable, right?
I have so many questions I’ve been wanting to ask you. Why are you not ready? Why did you not choose me? Why did you tell me I’m special if in the first place you have no intention to stay? Why did you tell me I’m not just any girl when you don’t have plans to be with me?
From the get go, I know I already like you and given the chance, I can fall for you. That is why I didn’t ask you questions. That is why I was always on Tinder when we were together. That is why I refused to get to know you. Because if I already like you when I barely know you, how much more if I already know how wonderful you are?
I was on the way to forgetting you, to moving on. But no, you had to tell me you’re still attracted to me, you had to tell me I’m not just any one to you. How can I still talk to you and not fall for you harder? How can I continue texting you and be prepared for your sex stories? How can I have a heart of stone?
They say you get attached to your first. I don’t think that’s what happened to me. I did not get attached for that sole reason. I got attached because sparks fly when we’re together. Our chemistry is off the charts. Why can’t that be enough for you to stay? Is it that common that you did not pay it any consideration?
I know, deep down, you’re not going to reach out to me. I know in my heart that that last text message is the last conversation we will ever have. Because despite what you told me, I still have difficulty believing you like me that much to throw away your pride and tell me I’m wrong. But you know what? I need to be wrong this time. So bad. With you, I will never mind to be wrong.
I hope that someday, you’d realize you should not have let me go. You should have stayed.